Rolling Tides


Last night I attended a underground session of vocalist, poets, and revolutionaries in a closed office in downtown Atlanta. There I felt full, fed, loved… there I shed tears and had an ephiphany. Artist Shanice Green shared her version of Sitting On The Dock Of The Bay and it inspired a poem from me.

I imagined a love that would be natural and free
Easy flowing and enduring
Filled up and running over
The type of love that rolls over in the morning and whispers sweet nothings as the golden shades of morning drift across the room
I am no longer a young girl but I have remained a die-hard romantic and every day I died a hard death waiting for this love it seems will never come
Yet I plant daises in parting footsteps attempting to heal scars and wounds that I refuse to grant permanent residence
And when I’m alone I cry
Attempting to love broken fixtures
Discarded pieces of what used to be
Yet they court such pretty words
Bat such beautiful eyes
I remain confused by the long talks of getting to know me simply to come up empty-handed
I feel the love slowly drifting out of me
Leaving skepticism, disappointment, and apologies
But I was a romantic once
The leave you sweet notes and love songs type
I wrote poems and cooked dinner
I listened to the things you could only think of wanting and turned it into reality
I planned surprise trips, gave back rubs, ran bath water
I washed backs when arms were too tired to reach
Encouraged dreams
Gave a loving and caring shoulder to lean on
Wiped away the tears of women that came before me and loved you like it was needed
I put time, thought, and effort into making you happy
My love was healing, warming, touching
My love was deep as the rivers and as wide as the sea
It ran as high as the mountains and as bright as the sun
Yet feeling the cold of the water traveling between my toes
The chill in the air
Sitting here
Waiting
Wishing
I have learned that some women in life can not handle loving
Too many scarlet letters heat pressed on cold hearts keloid into permanent breaks
Searching for a love they will never allow themselves to have
Drowning in self inflicted misery from lovers that have long passed them by
Walking dead before they could die
So unaware of the trail of hurt they string that they will f*** you blind, deaf, and dumb
Attempting to love women like this is a mute point
Incapable of understanding or appreciating a feeling that doesn’t rip them from the insides, no Vaseline
Love should be easy
But like busting nuts, they make it hard
And I have swallowed deeper reasoning
Cheek and jaw, dribbled out easier solutions
Solving them is infinite impossible to the negative 23 power
I have learned that there are some women that even Solomon couldn’t court
Those easy to bed
They’d rather allow you between their legs
Jezebel make believe feelings into their walls because that is what they consider love
That is all they know how to feel
Prostitutes trading sex for feelings
I am sick of heartless whores
Discarded concubines
No one wives
Who chooses to wed that which has bed the entire village
The whole lot is ruined by their own doing
One mans trash is not always another treasure because fools’ gold does exist
What is left to have when the pickings are so slim
What is left to want
I have decided it is better to allow the tide to simply roll on by

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2 thoughts on “Rolling Tides

  1. I have learned that some women in life can not handle loving
    Too many scarlet letters heat pressed on cold hearts keloid into permanent breaks
    Searching for a love they will never allow themselves to have
    Drowning in self inflicted misery from lovers that have long passed them by
    Walking dead before they could die
    So unaware of the trail of hurt they string that they will f*** you blind, deaf, and dumb
    Attempting to love women like this is a mute point […]

    Hmmm……

    I actually know a woman similar to the kind you’ve described. In fact, I’ve known her now for nearly 12 yrs …and she happens to live in the Atlanta area.

    Over time I grew to love her. But my *Saving Grace* has always been _Something inside me would NOT let me fall “in-love” with her, which, no doubt, would’ve been an absolute nightmare for me. She tends to leave wreckage all over the place regarding any woman she becomes initmately involved with.

    Our friendship has always been strictly platonic. She’s a an example of what I call “the walking wounded.”

    We connected via the internet in 2000. We wrote to (and called) each other for almost a year before finally meeting face-to-face, in 2001. And despite the fact that she is truly *damaged* on the inside we somehow developed a close friendship…which, frankly, still baffles both of us to this day!?!

  2. Something I’ve come to realize is when you truly see yourself as “A Gift” something specially wrapped and made for a deserving person, you are less likely to dangle yourself in the presence of swine. Swine, even as pretty as it may appear, is still swine. I’ve seen women who I could see as a Gift, but they themselves couldn’t see it which is why they allow themselves to be put and talked into uncompromising positions. It wasn’t until recently that I started to see myself as my wife’s Gift and she mine. It took some time, but like you, I am a sucker for love and I refused to give up. I know, I don’t have to tell you that you are a Gift. The person who is worthy of receiving such a Gift, maybe hasn’t presented themselves yet.

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