I remember the exact moment I realized I was over you. It was in the still of night as you lay naked in my bed, having lied to your woman about where you were. The false sense of validation in knowing that you were then taking her through the same thing that you’d done to me. Knowing that the vulnerability you exposed between my sheets would be something she would never know. She would never experience doing the things to you that I did because there was a facade that you had to keep with her. A facade that you never could convince me to believe. That was part of the reason you cheated right? Doesn’t matter… She was easy to believe the hype of everything you said you were, not knowing that you were only a 20 presenting yourself as an 80, you didn’t even aim for the whole 100.
As crazy as it may sound, it was something about the way your body curved to my finger tips that loosened the strings I thought you had over me. In the moment of you pulling me closer to you, pressing your skin against mine, searching to feel something from me that you were a part of tearing down and shredding to pieces… It was in that moment that the light flickered out. The last bit of what was left was gone, you burned through the reserve. And as your body shivered with release, I released all of the lies, hurt, betrayal, hope, and love that I’d ever had for you. That was the moment I went from “loving you” to simply “f*cking you”, there was no gradual progression. & you welcomed my strokes mistaking my lack of care for passion, having no idea that with every thrust you became as low as the next jane doe that would willingly loan her essence out for momentary satisfaction.
I’ve forgiven myself for falling into a one sided affair. I was blind with love and you were simply as you’ve always been, ratchet. As for any of the feelings I had for you, they were left in my sheets that night. I threw them out to trash because they were no longer needed. It was a lesson I had to learn and though it’s been many many years ago, it’s one that I will never have to revisit. I will never make the same mistake again, I’ll never compromise me for the sake of someone that only thinks of themselves. Nor will I ever stoop low enough to purposely be a part of taking another woman through the hurt that someone else caused to me.
From the relationship files…