It dawned on me last night that my birthday is this Friday. This time last year I was preparing for my 30th Birthday bash which turned out to be phenomenal but this year will be different. I’ve been really sick the past three weeks so I haven’t had the chance to plan anything and certainly not a party. I’m not much of a party girl anyway, I only had one last year because someone talked me into doing it.
A few weeks ago I started feeling sick. I figured it was the common cold so I didn’t pay much attention to it. By the time I came back from OH I knew that I had to get to the hospital because it was much worse. I tried doing the right thing by going to a walk in clinic instead of the ER. WRONG. I’m no Dr. but I don’t believe the woman that treated me was one either. She didn’t know what in the sam hill she was talking about. I ended up having to go back to the hospital a week later to finally have chest exams done. Turns out I had a RTI that was wrecking havoc on my system. I’m just beginning to feel better but I doubt I’ll be in any shape to party this weekend.
So… Another year has gone by. I really don’t know what to say about 30. This last year has been really hard on me. I’ve had to deal with a number of situations I never thought I would go through. I’ve been looking for a job for quite some time to no avail. I know those doors are closed because another one is open somewhere, I just haven’t found it. I’ve had my faith tested and at times I questioned if God had turned a deaf ear on me. Then there were the highs. I made major strides with my play and saw a dream come true in being able to perform in New York. It was so amazing to look out the window and see that we were performing right across the street from Madison Square Garden. That is a moment that I will remember for the rest of my life. When the lights went down and everyone was gone, I stood in the theater in silence. I wanted to remember the moment, to savor it, to feel it, to know that I was there. It still makes me cry.
On love… *eye roll* Does it exist? Certainly. Have I found it? Absolutely not. Do I want it? I can’t answer that right now. Do I feel jaded? A little.